Ugh...

Another announced pregnancy, another announced birth and both land on the first day of my period. Ugh.

Emotional terrorism. I'm claiming emotional terrorism on myself. I cried for a bit cause my emotions are all over the place. But I got over it. I said fuck it, bought a pack of smokes, went to a girlfriends house where she was having an equally shitty day and we both had a mikes hard blueberry cooler and sat on the step smoking and venting. We were both laughing by the end of it. I think she needed it as much as I did.

I have to say, this friend has 5 children (3 of her own, two of the children are her husband's nieces that they are raising). And these kids are some of the very few kids I can be around when I get in this mind frame. Where people would figure being around any kids would hurt, for some reason with her kids it doesn't hurt. It actually has a positive effect on me. I don't know what it is but it just works. I'm also incredibly close to these kids. I always thought it was because this girl is one of the few who don't actually jokingly offer her kids to me. There is just this laid back feeling when I go there and it helps.

The other piece of news today is that C went to see his doctor again. He got his referral for the neurologist (obviously not related to our infertility) for August. But still no word on the date of our appointment with the Urologist. Apparently when C's doctor checked into it, the local urologist still wants to see C but won't give a date. I think this is bullshit. So we asked for the referral to another doctor we would willingly travel to see. They won't send this referral unless they other urologist would agree to it. But we have the number for the local urologist.

What makes me mad about all this is that I doubt that this urologist will tell us anything different from what we already know and then he will refer us to a fertility clinic and we can take it from there. But we still have to take this step to get to our next step. Here are the hoops we must jump through, there are a lot and they are pointless but you can't pass go til you do it. This is just so frustrating. All I want is to get pregnant and have our child. Why does this have to be so difficult?